Irrepressible Hope

More Caelleb & Tia Chatter...

2008-11-22T10:12:00.000-06:00

Me: "So Caelleb, instead of packing carrots in your lunch today I thought maybe some celery with peanut butter."

Caelleb: "No thanks, mommy, just carrots"

Me: "Are you sure? I could make one right now so you can try it and see if you like it?"

Caelleb: "Naaaa. I'm not a big fan of celery."

***********************

Tia: "Mommy, when I grow up, I want to get married."

long pause............

Tia: "I don't know yet, who my prince will be"

Table Talk

2008-11-20T23:03:00.003-06:00

Gotta love dinnertime conversation...

Tia: "How do you spell my name daddy?"
Caelleb: "I know how to spell your name"
Tia: "You do not know how to spell my name."
Caelleb: "Oh yea? T. I. A. How you like me now?"

Tia: "Kobe, eat those strawberries. They are good for you. They are healthy!"
Kobe (he can't' talk being that he's only just turned one): "Ahhhh, naaaa naaaaa"
Tia: "Kobe, don't talk to me that way!"

Leave It To Boys

2008-11-20T22:44:00.003-06:00

What should have been a simple conversation about the weather... gone awry...

BRYN: "It is so cold tonight that if it rained, it would be snow."
CAELLEB: "You can’t eat yellow snow daddy."
BRYN: "Oh really... why not?"
CAELLEB: "Because it's pee."
BRYN: "Who told you that?"
CAELLEB: "Ummm, YOU, long time ago."

PAUSE

CAELLEB: "What is black snow?"
BRYN: "I've never seen black snow."

PAUSE

CAELLEB: "I think it's poop."

Gone. But not forgotten.

2008-11-16T20:49:00.002-06:00

It's been a little over 3 months since our summer vacation in Oregon. Tonight I had the following conversation with Tia...

Tia: "Mommy, where'd the ocean go?"
Me: "The ocean is far away from here."
Tia: "Is the ocean hiding from us?"
Me: "No sweetie, the ocean is just really far from Missouri."
Tia: "Is he sleepin'?"
Me: "Ummm, I'm not sure the ocean ever sleeps"
Tia: "He still making waves?"
Me: "Most definitely!"

We had such a wonderful, relaxing time on our vacation (maybe i'll actually get some belated vacation pics up?)! Just wanted to remember the above conversation. I do believe that we are instilling in our children the love we have for the COAST!

Is "knowing" really half the battle?

2008-06-19T23:03:00.003-05:00

I had this idea that I was going to do my part to educate whoever reads my blog about infertility. I thought I would just journal about my experiences with the subject and hopefully make people more aware of the issue. What I've learned lately is that when i'm in the throws of treatment, the last thing I want to do is blog about anything, let alone the reason for the treatment. As I'm sure you've noticed it's been awhile since my last post. I could go on about how busy life seems or the transitions that are going on (mainly, that I resigned from my job). But the truth is I haven't been blogging because I haven't been in a very good place, emotionally. I have a ton of stuff on my mind but zero motivation to put the finger to the keyboard.

Infertility messes with you, in a cruel and unusual punishment sort of way. It strips you of any power you thought you had over the situation. The "birds & the bees" take on a whole new meaning; one that involves tests & medication & ultra sounds & shots & lots of other things that I won't go into at this point.

Infertility also messes with your faith. I've tried not to admit that last statement out loud, or even to myself, for that matter. But it does. Don't worry, I'm not losing my faith. I know God has me in the palm of His hand.... at least I think He does. Doesn't He?

See what I mean?

A friend of mine recently told me about a wonderful answer to prayer. He ended his story with "God is so faithful." Part of me was rejoicing with this friend, but another part of me was thinking, "is He? Really? And how does He decide who to be faithful to and who to ignore? And what if He hadn't answered that prayer? Is He still faithful?" Intellectually, I know the answers to these questions, based on what the Scripture says. But try explaining that to my heart. The only explanation my heart wants to hear is why.

Why? I mean, I get it: Bryndyn and I can do our part but ultimately, we can't create life. The doctors can do their part, but modern medicine & technology can only do so much. I get it. Our faith can't be in ourselves or in our medical treatment plan. There is only one Creator of life. I GET IT! But I still long for an answer to my question. Please don't tell me that I'm supposed to be learning and growing from this experience... even if it's true. My mind gets it; my heart just doesn't.

I know I'm blessed.
I know Caelleb and Tia are huge blessings, not to mention Bryndyn.
I know I should be content with what I have and stop focusing on what I don't have.
I know I should think positive.
I know God will somehow use this for good (He already has in many ways).
I know there is a lot of worse heartache in the world than my infertility.
I know I'm probably never going to understand why.
I know.
I know.
I know.

Well... my intellect knows. My heart stopped listening a long time ago....

OK, so now you know why I haven't been blogging. And now you are probably worried about my emotional wellbeing. :) Keep in mind that for me this blog is an outlet. I'm ok. Really. Just needed to vent. If you want to respond to this post but don't know what to say, that is completely understandable. You don't need to say anything. I mean, feel free to tell me what a fabulous person you think I am (just kidding) :) Or you can just pray for Bryndyn and I. Don't pray for us to get pregnant (well, I guess you can if you want to). Pray for us to be able to say (truthfully) that, God is faithful, regardless of the outcome of each treatment cycle. Pray for us to be able to lean on God (and each other) for comfort and support when we're discouraged. Pray that this experience draws us closer to our Creator. And pray for my heart to start listening again.

what-a-ya-gonna-do?

2008-05-21T20:23:00.000-05:00

I know, I know... I'm a blog slacker as of late. Got lots going on these days. Just can't seem to find the time to blog. Soon. I'll be back on top of my blogging game. Soon.

:)

The Beginning of Year #2

2008-05-08T20:14:00.004-05:00

Caelleb couldn't have been happier on opening day...
Game Face
He can't stay serious for long...

Does this count?

2008-05-07T12:38:00.001-05:00

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." ~ Matthew 18:20

Celebration of Friends, Old & New

2008-04-30T21:42:00.005-05:00

I mentioned in my previous post that we went to St. Louis a couple weekends ago for a Sunday Cardinals game...

Back in March, once the baseball tickets were purchased, I emailed a couple college friends of mine who live in St. Louis to let them know we would be in town that weekend. Long story short we ended up heading over on Saturday, and spending the day/night with friends. The baseball game ended up being greatly overshadowed by the time spent hanging out with Nikki, Melissa & their families.
Saturday afternoon we took the kids to a "kiddie carnival" at Nikki's son's school. It was the perfect amount of bounce house, balloons, games, corn dogs & cotton candy fun!

Nikki with Chase & Belle (Alex was home sick)

Melissa with Eli and...

Beckett

All of the kids got along beautifully & quickly became "new" friends!!!
Caelleb & Chase hit it off instantly!
Tia, Belle & Eli had lots of fun together as well!
Tia loved baby Beckett!

A few more pics of the carnival fun...

What do you think, sugar overload? :)

After the carnival had wound up the "new" friends, it was time for us "old" friends to leave the kiddos with the dads (Thanks Bryndyn, Bart & Joel), and head out for a quiet & peaceful girls night! This was the highlight of my weekend, hands down. The dessert we had here was fabulous, but mostly it was just great to be in the company of two women who I adore & whose friendships are such a blessing to my life!

Take me out to the ballgame...

2008-04-29T21:06:00.001-05:00

We had a great time in St. Louis a couple weekends ago! The Cardinals were playing the Giants (Bryn's "team" since he was a kid), so I had gotten us tickets for Bryndyn's birthday. I am not sure what exactly happened with the format of these pics...sorry! This first group of pictures is before the game. We parked over by the Arch and then walked to the stadium from there. In between we grabbed a bite to eat and the kids loved the blue fountain (see below)...

holding up the arch... :)

Tia fell asleep with 2 outs left in the bottom of the 9th inning, so Bryn ended up carrying her all the way back to our car (which was a LONG walk with a sleeping 3 year old on his shoulder)

The Giants won (so ONE of us was happy & I can assure you, growing up a Dodger fan that ONE was NOT me!). But it was a BEAUTIFUL day at the ballfield & a good time was had by all!

Adoption Day 2008

2008-04-26T22:05:00.000-05:00

The weather was beautiful on Caelleb's big day. We had a low key but great evening. We let Caelleb choose where we ate dinner. He picked McAlister's (no arguments from me). After dinner we came home and enjoyed some family time in the sun. After we had played to our heart's content we came in for some cookie cake. Trying to be helpful, Caelleb decided he'd clean up the cookie cake crumbs from his section of the table. He did this by wiping them onto the floor. I didn't realize what he was doing right away but when I did I asked him, "did you just wipe all those crumbs onto the kitchen floor?" To which he replied: "Yep. It's my adoption day. I can do what I want." Oh REAAAAALLY. When did that become part of the deal? It was funny, nonetheless.

Adoption day pics............

Can you use that in a sentence please?

2008-04-26T21:57:00.001-05:00

Caelleb and I made cookies for him to take to school last Tuesday so his class could join him in celebrating his adoption day. When I had asked him if he wanted to tell his class about his adoption day he replied, "YES. I love being adopted." :)

We put the cookies into the oven and I headed into the living room. Caelleb didn't follow. When I looked back into the kitchen this is what I saw...

Me: You are impatient.
C: What's dat mean?
Me: It means you CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER for those cookies to be done.
C: Yep. I'm dat.

Stragglers

2008-04-26T21:55:00.001-05:00

Forgot about these two. Didn't want them to feel left out! Truthfully, I just can't get enough of this kid. Can you tell? :)

My Own Time

2008-04-26T17:37:00.005-05:00

me: Whatcha doin' up there Caelleb?

C: Having my own time

me: Your "own time"?

C: Uh huh. Sometimes I go in my room for my own time but Tia comes in and bothers me, so I came up here.

me: I guess everyone needs some "own time" every now and then, huh?

C: Yep.

On This Day of Keeping

2008-04-22T07:57:00.002-05:00

On This Day of Keeping
A blessing for Caelleb on the day of his adoption
Written by Eric L. Wilson
April 22, 2005

On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go, may God grant you love.
Love not subject to change or the winds of time
Love sewn together like patch work memories of parents now and parents past
Love equipped for conquering
A mending kind of love
On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you love.

On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you laughter.
Laughter that rings in your ear long after the punch line is gone,
Laughter cutting through departures and despair
Laughter always at your fingertips yet never at your expense
A red face laughter
An “I can’t breath but I don’t care” laughter
“I just can’t stop and if I tried it would make it funnier” kind of laughter
On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you laughter

On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you peace.
Peace that surpasses understanding
Peace that comforts and grows you
Peace that comes from knowing God is their, always loving, always reaching, and always wanting better for you.
Warm blanket peace
Mommy makes it alright, oh daddy is near by kind of peace
On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you peace.

On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you a pathway.
A pathway to relationship with the divine
A pathway far from worry, evil and yesterday’s pain
A dad I’m ready to get baptized pathway
Momma I found the girl I will marry pathway
An “I will never give up, I will never retreat” pathway
On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you a pathway.

God grant you a confidence never wavering,
God grant you wisdom unfailing
God grant you humility always rising
God grant you tomorrows overflowing with promise
God grant you grace, mercy, redemption, purity, purpose, vision, joy, and hope.

On this day of keeping, on this day of never letting go may God grant you life.

HAPPY ADOPTION DAY CAELLEB!!!!!

(The above blessing was written & read by our minister & friend at Caelleb's adoption party, 3 years ago today!)

Sippin' from the Saucer

2008-04-17T16:55:00.002-05:00

When I look at this week through the eyes of my 6 year old I realize it's been (and will continue to be) a really good one. Not that my perspective on the week is negative, just busy. Caelleb had T-ball practice last night. He & Bryndyn both came home giddy with excitement and love for all things baseball. Caelleb has Tae Kwon Do tonight. Tomorrow his class is going on a field trip to the bowling ally & park. This morning I had the following conversation with Caelleb as we were getting into the van...

Me (thinking I'd remind him and get him excited for his day): "Someone has Tae Kwon Do tonight!"

Caelleb (didn't need reminding): "Yep. Den next day is bowling."

Me: "And then Sunday is the Cardinals game."

Caelleb: "I almost cried."

Me (not sure I understood him correctly): "You almost cried?"

Caelleb (breaking it down for me): "Mommy, when you are SOOOOOO happy, sometimes dat happens."

I don't think I've ever met a kid that was so appreciative & loved life as much as Caelleb. I love that about him.

There's only 1 & it's NOT on this list...

2008-04-16T11:45:00.002-05:00

*Addendum: #8 was actually a comment that my father-in-law (who is a minister in northern California) left on this post but it fit well, so I had to add it to the list!

How many of us are "...turning to a different gospel—which is really no gospel at all" (Gal. 1:6b-7a)? I was convicted by the following list that I first saw here, but you can also find it here or in the book, How People Change, by Tim Lane and Paul David Tripp.

Gospel Counterfeits

1. Formalism. “I participate in the regular meetings and ministries of the church, so I feel like my life is under control. I’m always in church, but it really has little impact on my heart or on how I live. I may become judgmental and impatient with those who do not have the same commitment as I do.”

2. Legalism. “I live by the rules—rules I create for myself and rules I create for others. I feel good if I can keep my own rules, and I become arrogant and full of contempt when others don’t meet the standards I set for them. There is no joy in my life because there is no grace to be celebrated.”

3. Mysticism. “I am engaged in the incessant pursuit of an emotional experience with God. I live for the moments when I feel close to him, and I often struggle with discouragement when I don’t feel that way. I may change churches often, too, looking for one that will give me what I’m looking for.”

4. Activism. “I recognize the missional nature of Christianity and am passionately involved in fixing this broken world. But at the end of the day, my life is more of a defense of what’s right than a joyful pursuit of Christ.”

5. Biblicism. “I know my Bible inside and out, but I do not let it master me. I have reduced the gospel to a mastery of biblical content and theology, so I am intolerant and critical of those with lesser knowledge.”

6. Therapism. “I talk a lot about the hurting people in our congregation, and how Christ is the only answer for their hurt. Yet even without realizing it, I have made Christ more Therapist than Savior. I view hurt as a greater problem than sin—and I subtly shift my greatest need from my moral failure to my unmet needs."

7. Social-ism. “The deep fellowship and friendships I find at church have become their own idol. The body of Christ has replaced Christ himself, and the gospel is reduced to a network of fulfilling Christian relationships.”

*8. Meism. "The doctrine of individualism. It's fine to talk about a servant's heart and being led by the Spirit and even being formed by the cross but it needs to fit into my wants, needs and expectations. I'm not the center of the universe but the universe exists to meet my needs. I need me some religion to feel whole and satisfy my spiritual appetite... but only if it has sufficient vitamin "I." After all Jesus is my PERSONAL Savior isn't He? Okay..okay... the first will be last and the last will be first but just note how humble I am and willing to give it all! (God sure knows how to pick them)"

Numbers 3 & 7 hit closest to home for me. How 'bout you?

It's a BASEBALL Day!

2008-04-02T21:44:00.000-05:00

Caelleb was in an extremely good mood this morning when he exclaimed, "GOOD MORNING MOMMY" to me at 6:15am. He was already fed, dressed and had his coat and backpack on, completely ready for school. As I sat down on the couch to put my shoes on, still half asleep myself, he said, "it's a BASEBALL day!" He has this season's first t-ball practice tonight. Daddy is his coach. Caelleb is beside himself with excitement. He has already told Bryndyn that he is going to call him Coach Crutcher (this is what Bryndyn's students call him at work). Please, PALEEEEEEEZ don't let it rain today.

***Addendum: We had blue skies all day today! Nothing could wipe the smile off Caelleb's face when he got home this evening. When I asked him how he did he said (referring to when he was batting), "I almost hit someone's neck off!" Apparently his batting skills have improved since last year! :)

Strike A Pose

2008-03-30T15:10:00.000-05:00

Here are the rest of the Easter pics. I have NEVER been able to get Tia to wear a hat for an extended amount of time (unless it is a baseball hat and even then it doesn't last that long), but she did not want to take this hat off! I don't know what came over them last weekend, but Caelleb & Tia were loving having their picture taken. Win-Win!

Bryndyn told them to give me two thumbs up in this next picture:

Driving With Miss Chatterbox

2008-03-30T14:45:00.005-05:00

McAlister's has become our after-church-lunch ritual. We even went there last Sunday (Easter) but they were closed. As we were in route after church today Tia was her usual chatty self. She was very concerned that the restaurant might not be open. Our conversation went something like this. . .

Tia: "We goin' McAlister's?"

Me: "Yep"

Tia: "Them open?"

Me: "Uh huh"

Tia: "They not open last time"

Me: "They were closed for Easter."

Tia: "Why?"

Me: "Probably so that the people that work there could celebrate what Jesus did for us."

Tia: "Jesus closed McAlister's????"

Uhhhh... I guess that's one way of looking at it!

***************************************************

I read Green Eggs & Ham to Tia last night. She got really into the book and was trying to read aong with me the whole time. So, to change the subject (from above) I said, "Tia, do you like green eggs and ham?" She stopped chatting and went completely silent." A waited for a few seconds and them prompted her again, "Is Sam-I-Am trying to get you to try green eggs and ham?" Complete silence (and she is NEVER quiet in the van unless she is sleeping). . . I was kind of disappointed because I thought she would remember the story. After about a minute of silence she exclaims, "IN A BOAT? WITH A MOUSE? SAM-I-AM! ANYWHERE! IN A BOX? WITH A FOX? ANYWHERE!" Cutest thing.

the Extent of my Creativity

2008-03-28T20:47:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what my deal is with black & white pictures, but I just love them. Here are a few from this past weekend. . .

More Than I Bargained For

2008-03-28T12:11:00.004-05:00

I had a list growing up. I probably started this list somewhere around the 8th or 9th grade. You know the one. The qualities-I-want-in-the-man-I'm-going-to-marry list. Come on, I KNOW I'm not alone. I bet you had a list too (well, at least the females out there)! Here were the basic qualifications my future husband had to meet:

1. He had to be a Christian

2. He had to be athletic

3. Of course, he had to be cute

4. He had to like kids

Yep, this pretty much sums up what I thought I wanted in a husband. In retrospect, the list is pretty comical & extremely naive. Not that the characteristics listed above aren't good. But my gosh, did I really think a cute, athletic, Christian who liked kids would be enough in a husband?

Cute is such a relative term. Athletic... okay I think I just wanted someone who enjoyed and played sports as much as I did because I couldn't imagine my life without sports. Christian? According to this site, 83% of Americans identified themselves as "Christian" at the time I made my list. Likes kids? I guess that is a good start, to "like" your children.

But there you have it, the list I presented to God. Thankfully, He intervened and did "...immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. . ." (Eph. 3:20).

Christian. Athletic. Cute. Likes kids. Yes, Bryndyn is all of these things. More importantly, he is a man with a true relationship with God; striving to be Christ-like with an unwavering faith. He is exceptionally selfless and deeply content. He is an extremely hard worker. He is steadfast and unwavering in his commitment & devotion to our family. He is completely reliable. He is honest. He is trustworthy. He is down-to-earth & fun to be around. He is humble. He is an amazing father. He loves me unconditionally. He is my best friend. He is so much more than I can put into words.

I don't know what I did to deserve Bryndyn. And I don't know if I tell him enough how much I appreciate him. God knew exactly what I needed in a spouse, long before my 15-yr.-old-mind could possibly imagine what the future held. I am so grateful!

Happy Birthday Bryndyn! I love you!

These eggs didn't stand a chance!

2008-03-27T19:03:00.000-05:00

Both kids had a great time decorating easter eggs this year...
This next picture cracks me up, such concentration!

Just Us Four

2008-03-27T18:36:00.000-05:00

Family vacations for us typically revolve around visiting, well, family. It's rare that just me, Bryn and the kids take a vacation by ourselves. When a friend & co-worker of Bryn's offered us their time-share in Branson for two nights we were EXCITED! This was our first trip to Branson and we really enjoyed our time there. Granted, we didn't leave the condo much because everything there was FREE (indoor swimming, park, put-put golf)! We checked in Thursday evening. After scoping out the place I think the kids were mostly impressed with the master bedroom. Tia came out of it saying, "Mommy, your room has a POOL in it!" (in reference to a big jacuzzi tub). Friday day we pretty much just chilled at the condo & took advantage of all the ammenities.

(this has got to be one of my all-time favorite pics of Caelleb, to-date)

That evening we took the kids to dinner at a hibachi grill. Caelleb had been to one before but Tia hadn't. The fire on the grill both terrified and mezmerized her all at the same time. After a great dinner we drove around Branson for awhile just taking it all in. We ended up at The Landing, pretty much by chance, but it turned out to be a great place to spend the evening. There was a water/light show which the kids (Caelleb, especially) loved!

(this is a much smaller water fountain than the one in the water/lights show)

There was marble slab ice cream involved. And the evening was topped off by some pretty cool balloons. You need the side angle view to get the full effect of this hat that the balloon man made Caelleb.Tia requested "Ariel," not bad...
Saturday we took our time checking out of the condo. Bryn and Caelleb played another round of put-put golf while Tia and I played on the playground. Before heading out of town we stopped for a round of go karts and then headed home. Branson is sort of like a family-friendly Vegas without the gambling (if that makes any sense).
I can't wrap up this post with out mentioning this restaurant. We stopped in Ozark (just 20 miles or so north of Branson) to eat dinner at the home of the throwed rolls that we had heard so much about. Oh man, serious gluttony. We liked it so much that we stopped there again on the way home, for lunch. I can't even do this place justice by writing about it. You just have to be there. . . delicious rolls being literally thrown around the restaurant. . . free refills on EVERYTHING--not just drinks--you can have as many servings of whatever you order as you want. We just laughed at that. There was no way we could do any second servings after all of the extra "pass arounds" that they walk around distributing, on TOP of your regular order. Crazy amounts of food and all delicious, for a relatively cheap price! If you do plan on going there give yourself plenty of time, there is always a wait to get in, but soooooo worth it!

the Anti-Vacation

2008-03-27T07:53:00.001-05:00

While Caelleb and I were off galavanting in So Cal, Bryndyn was doing the opposite, WORKING HARD! While we were gone he painted BOTH kids bedrooms, switched the beds around, cleaned out all the toys (which are now in the bonus room waiting to be sorted through) and managed to get all Caelleb's new bedding and accessories into his new "camping" room! Seriously, I don't know how Bryn does it. He told me he was going to get all of that done and I doubted him. My bad! Isn't Caelleb's new tent/bed soooo cool?

Even better (my husband is a Saint), dinner was waiting for us in the crockpot when we got home. OK, this might not seem like such a big deal, but it was HUGE. Caelleb and I had left my parents house at 4:45am, yes AM people, to catch a 6:40am flight out of LAX. Upon arriving in Kansas City we had to wait two hours for a shuttle back to our house (Bryn had driven us to the airport but was at work when we flew home). Then the shuttle ride was about 3 hours. So, by the time we got home it was pushing 5pm. We had been up since the crack of dawn and hadn't had much to eat all day. There was NO WAY I was cooking but even the thought of going out to eat wasn't my idea of fun after a long day. For Bryn, on the other hand, Mondays are crazy. He goes straight from work to his own PhD class, to bowling w/the guys. He typically leaves the house on Mondays at around 6:30am and doesn't get home till 10pm. So, he got up extra early and made us taco soup, KNOWING he wouldn't be home to enjoy it with us. He had the table set for us and everything. Soooooooooo thoughtful! Thanks Bryn, for being the best husband in the entire world!!!!

Gosh, there is still so much renovating to do around our house. Maybe I should plan another trip to Cali! :)

1st Gig

2008-03-26T20:56:00.001-05:00

The last night I was in Simi I got to see a couple old friends who I hadn't seen in quite a while. They both went to my rival high school but we were all in the same church youth group. One of them brought his 19 month old son. My friend offered to pay Caelleb to "babysit" his toddler. In actuality, we were keeping a close eye on both of them from the next room over. But Caelleb liked the idea of having a job! In the end, Caelleb made $2 and the adults got a couple extra minutes of talk time (maybe).
The next morning while sitting on the airplane I was asking Caelleb about the trip. He mentioned his "babysitting" gig. I pointed out to him that he had his first job! He thought about it for a second and said, "yea, that kid wore me out!" I laughed out loud because I'm positive he got that phrase from overhearing ME talk about HIMSELF! :)

There's No Place Like Home

2008-03-26T18:43:00.000-05:00

After living out of state for almost 9 years, Simi Valley is still home. But so is Columbia. Sometimes I feel sort of stuck between two worlds. Lately, I find myself yearning to be back in Southern California. That desire could very well be linked to the fact that we have had a LOOOONG winter. I don't think it's actually the state of California that I miss (although I do love the weather & the beach), mostly I just miss living close to extended family. My sister and her family are a 10 hour drive away, which helps, but still, 10 hours. . . Caelleb also loves being with family. Growing up, I loved going to my grandparents house (who lived 10 minutes away from us). I remember back then thinking that someday my children would also love coming to the Blazej home. I guess at that point in my life I couldn't really picture myself as a mother, let alone my parents as grandparents. I haven't been inside my grandmother's house (now my uncle's home) since she passed away in April of 2003 (wow, hard to believe its been almost 5 years!). Caelleb hasn't even been with us for that long, so he's obviously never been there either. But what my grandmother's house meant to me, my parents house (my house growing up), means to Caelleb. He actually sleeps in my old room which is now the office. He is so incredibly content there! Usually when we are out there we have all kinds of plans (the beach, disneyland, baseball games, etc.). So, I guess I just figured what kid wouldn't love doing all those things. But this past trip, we pretty much did nothing. I mean we got out of the house about once a day. My dad took Caelleb to the batting cages & the driving range. We watched my 11 yr. old cousins (who, I might add were born right after Bryn and I started dating, time flies) play soccer. Uncle B & Aunt Kara took him to the park the day of my mom's surgery. We tried out a church on Sunday morning that I had never been to; a church that took children's worship to a whole new level! But overall the five days we were there were incredibly low key. It was too chilly for him to swim in my parents pool, although he did try for about 10 minutes. Mostly we were just lounging around. He played w/his new transformer (thanks Uncle B & Aunt Kara) & a train set that my mom had. He learned how to play Uno & War and pretty much wanted to play cards non-stop with anyone he could convince to join him. He went to town on Papa T's cooking. Pretty much just hung out with family & had a blast doing it. When we were at the airport he said, "why can't we just stay here forever?" I said, "what about Daddy & Tia," to which he responded, "they can come too." If only life were that simple. . . Don't get me wrong, I really do love Columbia. We have wonderful friends here and it is a great place to raise a family. But Simi Valley, and more importantly, the people who live there, will always have a very special place in my heart!

Oz or Bust!

2008-03-26T18:14:00.000-05:00

Be Popular.

Defy Gravity.

Meet Mr. Wonderful.

Dance Through Life.

Most importantly, if you haven't already, GO SEE WICKED!

Caelleb & I recently took a trip to So Cal. We flew in on the morning of Wed., 3/12. My mom was having minor surgery the following day. So, what do you do the night before surgery? Go see a musical, of course! :) My mom had been wanting to see Wicked for awhile. I had heard great reviews. Once we had our airline tickets purchased, my mom bought theater tickets for me, her & my sister-in-law, Kara. I had been listening to the audio CD (which my mom sent for my birthday--did I mention I turned 34 about a month ago? Yea, tried to just slip right past that one, but I digress. . .) We started the evening at the Hollywood & Highland Center, dining at a CPK (I had a pizza w/avocado on it--I LOVE California!). From a balcony right outside the restaurant you could see the "Hollywood" sign, which is barely visible in this first picture but I cropped and zoomed the second picture below. . . We then took a cab (I had NEVER taken a taxi in CA before) over to the Pantages Theater. Let me just add here that the theater itself was amazing!The theater had a major restoration done in October of 2000, in preparation of the Lion King opening. Here's what one review had to say, "...the Pantages invested almost $10 million in a massive facelift of the landmark theatre, restoring it to its original glory. The Pantages was always something to behold, but its dazzling, ornate interior, gleaming with new gold leaf is now simply spectacular. It's almost worth the price of tickets to a show just to see the theatre itself."

Wicked did not disappoint! Here's a synopsis directly from the Wicked website: "Long before Dorothy dropped in, two other girls meet in the Land of Oz. One - born with emerald green skin - is smart, fiery and misunderstood. The other is beautiful, ambitious and very popular. How these two unlikely friends end up as the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good Witch makes for the most spellbinding new musical in years."

I LOVED it! Pretty sure it is my new favorite musical, even topping The Lion King on my list! I'm looking forward to seeing it again in May in Kansas City!

Thanks Mom, for a wonderful evening!

Back in the stirrups again. . .

2008-03-25T22:59:00.002-05:00

Sorry, I couldn't resist using that title. We're back at the whole infertility treatment thing. . . sort of. Yesterday was CD4 so I went in for a resting scan to get the ball rolling. Typically, if the ultra sound is clear then I would have been prescribed clomid and scheduled another ultra sound in about a week or so to monitor the progress of follicles. Unfortunately, my life (including IF) is anything BUT typical. The cyst that was there back in November is STILL there. I have a follow-up apt. on April 10th to meet with my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and discuss options. Pretty sure there are only two: a) wait another month to see if cyst is still there or b) have the cyst surgically removed. Maybe my Dr. will have a magic "c" option... probably not. I'll keep you posted.

Constantly Missing

2008-03-24T18:53:00.003-05:00

Is it possible to miss someone who is sitting right next to you? Have you ever said goodbye to someone and immediately started missing her before she was even out of your sight?

miss /mɪs/ –verb (used with object)
1.to feel, suffer or regret the absence or loss of

My household is all too familiar with the above definition. All of our extended family is out of state so we are pretty much in a constant state of missing (or feeling the absence of) family members.

But yesterday Caelleb reminded me that there is a whole other side of this verb. He and I had just said goodbye to Tia after having her for a long weekend. She wasn't even out of our sight yet as we watched Bryndyn walk her up to her mother's front door. Caelleb let out a long sigh and whispered, "I miss Tia." I started to say something lighthearted like, "she just left us" or "we'll see her soon," but realized I'd only be fooling myself. In truth, Caelleb had just verbalized exactly how I felt at that moment.

I know I don't write much, anymore, about the new role we play in Tia's life. I guess part of me feels like people don't want to hear about that heartache anymore, or that everyone assumes because we have Tia on most weekends that all is well in that regard. It's true, the transitions back and forth have gotten much easier. Tia no longer cries when she leaves our house (though she does whine & argue about not wanting to leave). We've managed to develop a positive relationship with her mother. Definite progress. But for Bryndyn, Caelleb & I weekends just aren't enough. She is part of us and when she is absent our family is incomplete, we miss her, terribly. And sometimes that missing starts before she is even gone. . .

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T22:19:00.004-05:00

I took a BAZILLION pics today but until I get them all downloaded, here is a teaser. . .Wishing everyone a wonderful Easter!

An Offer I Refused

2008-03-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

Guitar lessons are over. They were pretty much a bust. Between travel, the flu & winter conditions I only made it to 3 of the 6 lessons. Even the 3 lessons I attended, I didn't get much out of. But i'm not giving up. I did learn enough to sort of teach myself as I go. I'll keep you posted on that. But I forgot to share a funny story from the night of my very first lesson. Caelleb and I were in the van headed home after work/school. I was telling him about my upcoming lessons and he asked me what guitar I was going to use. I informed him that daddy was going to let me use his guitar (sidenote: this is a BIG deal because Bryndyn's guitar used to be his father's guitar). I said something like, "isn't that nice of daddy to share his guitar with me?" and Caelleb responded, "you can use MINE!" I politely declined, to which he was a little disappointed. We bought this guitar for Caelleb in La Bufadora, Mexico--that should about sum up why his offer made me chuckle. . .

nice facial expression. . . I think this is his rockstar face. :)

Let me give you a little more perspective on why Caelleb's guitar could NOT work for me. . .

Calling in the Reinforcements

2008-03-18T19:40:00.005-05:00

A Gift From Thailand

2008-03-18T19:35:00.003-05:00

Uncle Kevin went on an adventure to Thailand and brought home gifts for Caelleb & Tia. I'll get a pic up of Caelleb's frog at some point, but here is what Tia got. She was not happy with me when her request to bring it to church on a rainy Sunday was denied. :)

Thanks Uncle Kevin!

A Nice Break from Winter

2008-03-04T07:52:00.000-06:00

Currently, it is 25 degrees outside. But over the weekend we got a little spring-teaser, I think we got up into the 70's! It was great to get the kids playing outside. On Sunday afternoon we took the whole family (including our dog) to the dog park and then Caelleb & Tia played on the playground. I am soooooo ready for this winter to be over. . . You might notice Caelleb's ripped pants. Seriously, the child's dresser drawer is FILLED w/pants but I think all but about 3 of them have rips in them. It is so frustrating. I mean, I know he's a BOY & he plays hard, but my goodness. And we're not talking little holes in the knees that I could patch up if I knew how to sew. . . Add to that the fact that he is going through a growth spurt--shopping is inevitably in my very near future. Here are some playground pics: Caelleb went across the monkey bars by himself for the first time--he was excited!
This is my 6th Missouri winter. I've acclimated, I guess. It's currently 52 degrees in the city I grew up in, with highs expected in the 70's all week. . . I can't lie--I SOOOO miss those days of one season (pretty much ) year around!

The flaw of postmodernism

2008-02-28T16:25:00.001-06:00

Whose Line is it Anyway?

2008-02-26T21:57:00.002-06:00

Me: "So, daddy & I are going out on a date tonight."

Caelleb: "why?"

Me: "Sometimes mommy and daddy just need time just the two of us, so miss Stephanie will be coming over to hang-out with you while we are gone."

Caelleb (shaking his head no, in a playful sort of way): "No, no, no, no. . . NO DEAL!"

Me: "No deal? That's Tia's line. You stole Tia's line."

Caelleb: "No it's not. That my line too. I have LOTS of good lines mommy."

Weekend w/the Fam

2008-02-22T21:52:00.007-06:00

As mentioned earlier, we traveled south this past weekend to hang out with Uncle Scott, Aunt Lori, Braden, Easton & Isabelle! As always, it was great to be with family! I took fewer pictures than normal (for me), but here are some of my favorites. . .

Fun at the (rainy) ballpark

My sister coaches a high school softball team. The following pictures were taken during one of their games. It rained during part of the game, which the boys LOVED and the girls (well, Tia) didn't like so much.

Caelleb & Braden

Easton, Caelleb & Braden (of course Caelleb was the muddiest-surprise, surprise)

Braden

Isabelle

Tia & Daddy

Caelleb

I love this pic of Isabelle & her flowery overalls & LSU hat!

spitting image of my sister

Bathtime

Lori gave all three little ones a bath together one night. Easton & Isabelle love taking baths. Tia likes baths "OK" as long as she doesn't have to get her hair/face wet. As you will see in a picture below, Tia has no problems pouring water on other people's faces. This actually brings her much joy! :)

Easton being silly. . .

The New Look

2008-02-22T21:13:00.002-06:00

How do you like the new header? My friend Nichole designed it and I love it!

I had been wanting to change my title & add the picture for awhile but just never really had the time to figure out how to do it. Bryndyn recently taught me how to create a jpg in power point so I created the following header:

Nichole saw the header I had created and was "inspired" (according to her email) to play with what I had done. Well, she took the reigns from there and came up w/the end result that you see at the top of this site. I am so grateful!!!! Thank you Nichole for being such a creative & thoughtful friend!!!

A little more about the new header. . .

I went to a Women of Faith conference a few years back and the theme for that year was "Irrepressible Hope." At the time, our church was going through some rough internal issues. Shortly after the conference 3 of our 4 ministers resigned on the same Sunday. As an employee & member of the church the situation took a toll on me. The conference theme, Irrepressible Hope, stuck with me. . . Looking back, our life was so simple then. Not to downplay the church issues we went through, but in comparison to everything Bryn and I faced last year I can't help but wonder if God somehow used that situation and the Women of Faith conference to help prepare me for 2007. Irrepressible hope, through Christ. . . Such assurance!

The picture was taken last June. I was feeding Jamie and Tia came over and grabbed his hand. My camera happened to be sitting on the coffee table right next to me so I snapped a couple shots. I love the outcome! This picture captures so many things. . .

Remembering Jamie

The bond that Tia & Jamie shared

Representation of our family

It's interesting because neither Tia or Jamie are "official" Crutchers, Yet, I can't think of a better image for the title of our family blog!

The Bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11-13, was on our wedding invitations and is one of my all time favorites!

Some things are just more important. . .

2008-02-22T20:29:00.001-06:00

I'm pretty much a stickler when it comes to the kid's bedtime. If we are on vacation or have friends/relatives in from out of town, then I don't worry about it so much. Otherwise, if it is a school night and we are home the kids are in bed by 8pm. I guess my motto is a "flexible routine."

Wednesday night we got home from church around 8:40pm. Normally, for Caelleb, this would mean a mad rush for PJ's, tooth-brushing, and bed. But Wednesday night was the lunar eclipse. And (according to Bryndyn) this won't happen again for 2 years. SOOOOO, Caelleb got to stay up late.

Still recovering from the flu, I almost blew off the eclipse and headed straight to bed. I'm glad I didn't. We pulled up three chairs to our dining room picture window and stared at the moon for a good 25 minutes. Bryndyn explained to Caelleb what was happening (I couldn't have done that even if I'd wanted to...how my husband knows *everything is beyond me). Caelleb was really intrigued by the whole thing, especially once the moon started turning orange. Numerous times as he listened to Bryn's explanation about the Earth, Sun & Moon Caelleb would exclaim "Ohhhh!" (like "oh I get it, that totally makes sense"). Much of the time we just sat in silence marveling God's artistry.

The best part of this bedtime-rule-breaking-evening was when Caelleb leaned over and whispered to Bryndyn, "I love you daddy" and then to me "I love you too, mommy." I KNEW there was a good reason to add "flexible" to our routine!

*Bryndyn jokingly calls himself the "king of useless trivia." He seriously is!

Down For The Count

2008-02-22T11:55:00.003-06:00

We went to Louisiana this past weekend to visit my sister and her family & I came back w/the flu! Bryn had it about a week before we left for our trip, so pretty sure I got it from him. Fun times. All that to say, sorry for my blogging absence. Currently I have lots to write about just no energy or coherence of thought. Be back soon. . .

I Love YOU!

2008-02-14T07:04:00.001-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine Tulips

2008-02-13T22:54:00.006-06:00

Happy (early) Valentine's Day! We'll be on the road much of tomorrow, so Bryndyn surprised me tonight w/a spotless clean house & a bouquet of tulips! They are beautiful. Tulips are a Valentine tradition in our household, since 1999. There is a great story behind the tradition, but it's late. At some point I will share the story that many of you already know! :)

Works For Me Wednesday

2008-02-13T07:51:00.000-06:00

This is my first Works For Me Wednesday post & probably my last (I'm not that ingenius), we'll see.

Many (hopefully not all) of you will already know this trick but I just figured it out a couple months ago. I love to read, don't want to buy every book on my list & don't have the time to spend at the library browsing & searching. With the help of the internet & my library card, I can access my library's online catalogue, place a hold on the books I want, wait for their email telling me my book(s) are ready and then simply pick them up at the counter. Voila. I can also re-check them out from the comfort of my own home. Works for me!

Oh, one more thing, did you know that your library card also doubles as a windshield ice scraper? I don't recommend using this alternate feature unless it is an emergency (like you are trying to pick your child up from school on time and your window defroster is not working fast enough & you have no ice scraper in your car)! :)

Preaching to the Choir

2008-02-12T07:56:00.000-06:00

Possibly my greatest concern for Caelleb is his confidence & self-esteem. Currently, this is not a problem, at all. But I worry that as he gets older the speech delays & academic challenges that he faces will dampen his spirit. So when I stumble upon an opportunity to reinforce what an incredible, created-in-God's-image, child he is, I SEIZE that moment (if I realize it in time)! In conversation this morning on our way to daycare, one of these moments transpired. . .

Caelleb: I'm growing up WAY tall. I growed up in my
sleep last night.

Me (laughing & teasing him): Will you quit that! You
are growing up way too fast.

Caelleb: I can't mommy. God made me dat way.

Me: True. I bet someday you are going to be taller than
me.

Caelleb: I want be same tall as daddy.

Me: I guess we just have to wait and see how tall God wants you to
be. (Hmmmm, here's my chance. . .)
Me: Did you know that God made you exactly how he wanted you to be?

Caelleb: I know.

Me: Did you know that God doesn't ever make
mistakes? Isn't that sooo cool?

Caelleb: I know dat mommy. All deeze tings you talk
'bout. I ah-ready know dem.

Well, then I'm doing my job. Repetition is the key to learning, right?

The Word On The Street

2008-02-10T20:39:00.000-06:00

The "word on the street" for today's tivo'd episode of Sesame Street: Frustrated. As someone w/a background & education in counseling I appreciate this effort on Sesame Street's part, helping kids understand and be able to name their emotions. Caelleb & Tia watched intently as a little girl described the feeling of being frustrated. From the looks on their faces it seemed that they understood the word & the emotion behind it. Just to make sure, I asked each of them the following question: Have you ever felt frustrated? Their responses were comical. Oh yes, they definitely got it!

Caelleb's response: "Oh yea. Today at naptime I was frustrated. You were frustrating me!" (because I made him lay down for a nap)

Tia's response: "My udder mommy frustrates me. She tells me to stand in the corner." (her time out spot)

Let's Talk About It

2008-02-10T14:31:00.000-06:00

"According to the American Society For Reproductive Medicine, infertility
affects 6.1 million American women and their partners, about 10
percent of the reproductive age population..." You can read the
rest of the article here.

1 in 10? Wow. Why then, is infertility (IF) still such a taboo subject? A friend of mine recently thanked me for being willing to talk about my own struggle with IF. She commented that all the issues surrounding IF are hard for her to understand as not many are willing to talk about their experiences. Fair enough.

I've found that talking about IF is much easier with individuals who have been (or are currently) in my shoes. Explaining the range & depth of emotions is difficult to put into words. I have been on the receiving end of a lot of ignorant IF comments, most (but not all) were well-intended. Truth is, the more I think about it, I think my friend may have a point. Maybe the "fertile world" :) doesn't understand the "infertile world" because the IF-ers don't tend to talk much (or at all) about their experiences. Maybe.

Then again, I can certainly understand the IF silence. From a purely physical standpoint, IF is a very personal issue. How much info is too much info, really? Do you want to hear about the dye that was (painfully) inserted into my fallopian tubes, the plethora of vaginal ultra-sounds, the high dosages of drugs (both oral & injections), the side effects from those drugs, the oh-so-romantic doctor prescribed intercourse. . . just to name a few. Or what about the emotional side of IF? Do you want to hear of the denial, embarrassment & shame that I dealt with early on, or the hopelessness that followed which then turned into anger? Or how about that as the anger melted away (although some lingers about), the true emotion emerged--sorrow, deep sorrow. None of these are easy emotions to talk about, especially if the one you are talking to cannot relate.

I think for me, besides the obvious inability to get pregnant, this is the next hardest thing about infertility, that most people just do not understand my pain/sorrow/grief/loss. Since I want to feel "understood" (doesn't everyone?) I mask the pain (as much as possible). How's that working for me, you ask? Depends on the day. When I am at my best, I feel so blessed for the family that God has already given me and I am content to leave the infertility issues to Him. At my worst, depression closes in around me. It's a constant battle and most days I'm somehwere in the middle. In theory, I know that this "thorn in my flesh" can be a stepping stone to a closer relationship with God; His grace is sufficient, even for me. In practice, waiting for God's answer to this particular prayer (whether that answer be "yes" or "no"), has been a serious test of my faith.

Which brings me to my point. . . Bryn & I shouldn't have to carry this burden alone, and thankfully, we don't. We are blessed with some very encouraging and supportive friends & family. But wouldn't it be great if everyone had a better understanding of infertility, to be better equipt to care for our loved ones who are struggling through this type of loss? With this hope in mind, I am going to try harder to put myself out there and truly give anyone who is reading this blog a truer picture & understanding of life with infertility. Please bear with me as this will not be an easy task (being vulnerable never is). Hopefully, writing about this topic will be therapeutic. More importantly, maybe it will increase awareness & compassion for the 10% of us that face the reality of infertility every day.

Nope. Not Doing It.

2008-02-07T18:06:00.000-06:00

We've been on a nice break from infertility treatment. But, it's time to start thinking about cycles again. Or not? If there is any chance of clomid this month I should be going in to have a resting scan by tomorrow at the latest. I just can't bring myself to make the call. I'm not ready yet, to be back on the rollercoaster. I've rather enjoyed having my emotional sanity back.

Prayers Run Amok (w/clarification)

2008-02-05T20:32:00.000-06:00

I'm currently reading Philip Yancey's, Prayer: Does it Make Any Difference? So far, it is a great (challenging & thought-provoking) read. Pretty sure the following non-fiction prayers are not what Yancey had in mind

Let me clarify. . . After praying for our dinner I looked up and saw that Caelleb had been (and still was) drinking his milk during the prayer. So, I (light-heartedly) added the following addendum to my prayer, trusting that God has a sense of humor.

"Dear God, please help Caelleb remember not to drink his milk during the prayer."

The wide-eyed, open-mouth look on Caelleb's face was priceless. His was completely astonished that I had ratted him out when he added his own prayer addendum to my addendum:

"Dear God, please help mommy not tell on me."

Should be grounds for a day off?!?!?

2008-02-05T14:18:00.000-06:00

What a great holiday! The first time I had chocolate for breakfast I was in Heidelberg, Germany. Ahhhhh. Memories! :)

Duh.

2008-02-04T21:09:00.000-06:00

There was a thunderstorm off in the distance as we were driving tonight, when Caelleb tells me, "I'm scared of lightning." Without much thought I responded, "You are? How come?" If I was looking through my rear view mirror I probably would have seen him roll his eyes as he said, "Because they freak me out. That's why." OK then.

Not going for Mom of the Year. . .

2008-02-03T16:22:00.000-06:00

Upon waking up EARLY from her nap, Tia asks, "Can I watch Dora?" I'm thinking of the million other things I would have liked to get done before she woke up when I suggest, "How 'bout... Cars" (thinking that gives me 2 hours rather than 3o minutes). Tia responds (in a whiny voice), "I want to watch Dooooora." I try again, "How 'bout... Chicken Little?" To which she responds, "How 'bout... DORA!"

Learning to pray & other Tia one-liners

2008-02-02T22:11:00.000-06:00

Learning to pray

When Caelleb was first learning to pray Bryn or I would often prompt him on things to say. Tia is now volunteering to pray over our dinner. She actually doesn't need Bryn or my help at all. That's where Caelleb comes in. . .

Tia: Dear God
silence
Caelleb (prompting her): help our food
Tia: Help our food
more silence
Caelleb: Help mommy
Tia: Help Mommy
Caelleb: Help Daddy
Tia: Help Daddy
Caelleb: Help Caelleb
Tia: Help my brudder
Caelleb: Help Tia
Tia: Help, uh, me
Caelleb: Help momma, papa T
Tia: Help momma, pappa T
Caelleb: Help mema, pappy
Tia: Help mema, pappy
Bryndyn cutting in: In Jesus Name. . .
Caelleb: AMEN!
Tia: AMEN!

Other Tia 1-Liners

At the dinner table after an interaction w/Caelleb. . .
"Mommy, Caelleb needs to change his attitude"

Right after waking up in the morning, upon seeing a ray of sunlight shining through the drape in her window. . .
"Look, my window's waking up"

In the car, driving to the ARC. . .
"Daddy, I'm going to buy you a castle"

In the ARC locker room while changing out of our swimsuits. . .
"Is that Elmo on my underwear? What is Elmo doing on my underwear?"

These are just a few of the Tia one-liners from Friday/Saturday. Who knows what Sunday will bring!

Apparently, I'm "It"

2008-01-29T17:50:00.000-06:00

I've been tagged a couple times this week, by Tiffany & Leah, so here it goes. . .

Tagged for 5 (by Tiffany)

The rules list is as follows: Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share (choose 1): Five random and/or weird facts about yourself. Five top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list. Five things you never pictured being in your future when your were 25 years old.

I listed seven random facts a while back and there is NO WAY I could narrow my top places to see or see again down to five. SOOOOO. . .

Five things I never pictured being in my future when I was 25 years old:

1. paying $2.89 (and more) for a gallon of gas

2. Louisiana & Missouri-even though I always said I did not want my future children graduating from Simi Valley High School (it was a great school but I wanted to break the family trend, it is where both my parents, myself, my three siblings, 4 cousins and plenty of aunts/uncles all graduated from), I never imagined that I would start a family of my own so far from my own parents/siblings. As much as we love our current living situation, I still get homesick for family.

3. Mini Van-I was one of those people who SWORE I would NEVER drive a mini van. But I am not ashamed to admit that I LOVE my Odyssey!

4. Water Aerobics-enough said. :)

5. Infertility-growing up, most things came fairly easy if I set my mind to something. I never imagined that I would not be able to get pregnant at the exact moment I wanted to (let alone after years of trying), so this whole infertility thing definitely threw (and continues to throw) me for a loop.

Lots more 5's (tagged by Leah)

Five things I was doing 10 years ago:

1. coaching (simi high jv soccer, malibu high softball, club softball)

2. living w/Robyn & Stephanie in Simi

3. deciding if Bryn was "the one." We had been dating for a year and a half at this point. Honestly, deep down, I knew he was "the one" shortly after we started dating, but because of past heartache, fear & just me being plain stubborn it took me a long time to admit it.

4. working part time for my dad

5. taking a marriage & family class at Fuller Seminary (trying to figure out a way to get a master's in counseling w/out accruing any more debt)

Five things on my to-do list today:

1. grocery shopping (Snow is in the forecast. I always feel the need to stock up when this is the case, especially on things like hot chocolate, diet dr. pepper, ingredients for cookies, you know, the essentials) :)

2. practice the guitar (I'm supposed to practice 20 min. a day. I have not been such a model student as of late, but my fingers are starting to hurt a little less)

3. laundry (on my to-do list every day)

4. pay my student loan (yes, I am still paying students loans, hopefully not for too much longer)

5. make sure Caelleb gets signed up for T-Ball (Bryndyn is actually taking care of this but I have it on my list so I can remind him)

Five things I will do when I am a millionaire:

(this particular list of five sort of contradicts my word for 2008, "contentment," but oh well, just for fun)

1. hire a housekeeper

2. TRAVEL (Africa, Australia, Asia, South America, just to mention a few)

3. Adopt a BUNCH '0 kids :) which leads to. . .

4. buy a bigger house (preferably somewhere closer to family & the beach)

5. pay off our debt & help family/friends do the same (and then start Sandlot w/Kathy)

Five things I will never wear again:

1. anything fluorescent (unless it is part of a costume or something)

2. Jelly shoes (or whatever they were called. I have a feeling people might be saying the same thing about Crocs someday)

3. Guess jeans

4. my high school letterman's jacket

5. a two piece swim suit

Five of my favorite toys:

1. digital camera

2. tivo

3. sudoku books

4. internet (blogger, goodreads, aol, everything on my igoogle reader)

5. books (any good book will do)

Five banes of my existence:

1. laundry

2. dishes

3. my weight

4. student loans

5. junk mail

I tag these five poor unsuspecting people:

1. Bryndyn
2. Lori
3. Sandi
4. Rachel
5. Kate
sorry, one more, MONICA--start a blog! :)

You're IT!

The Games We Play

2008-01-25T21:42:00.000-06:00

#1 The Blame Game

Tia came to work w/me this morning. She had her own little office going on equipt w/a TV/DVD player, curious george movie, her v-tech computer, markers, crayons, coloring books, construction paper & sippie cup. At lunch I noticed that she had orange marker all over the sleeves of her white turtle neck. Not a big deal. I pointed it out to her and asked what happend (just to see what she'd say). Without even hesitating she replied:

Tia: Caelleb did it

Me: Caelleb's at school

Tia: Simon did it

Me: Simon who?

Tia: Simon Says!

#2 Twenty Questions

Still at lunch, the topic of Santa comes up somehow (ever since Christmas Santa comes up frequently in conversation with Tia)

Tia: What's Santa doing?

Me: Sleeping

Tia: Where?

Me: The North Pole

Tia: The nor-po?

Me: (laughing) Close Enough

Tia: He snoring?

Me: Probably

Tia: Like this (and then proceeds to make a snoring noise)?

Me: Exactly like that

Tia: What's his wife doing?

Me: Trying to wake him up so he will stop snoring

Tia: (after thinking for a second) Now what's Santa doing?

Me: He's still sleeping

Tia: No he's not. He's saying to his wife "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

OK, so that wasn't 20 questions, just funny. But trust me, the questions didn't stop there. Thankfully Bryndyn was able to meet us at lunch and take Tia home. Not that I didn't enjoy having her delightful company this morning, but it was definitely an exercise in MULTI-TASKING!

NUMB3RS

2008-01-24T17:08:00.000-06:00

Supposedly today, Jan. 24th, is the worst day of the year. There is a formula and everything
(move over Charlie Eppes).

January Blues Day Formula: 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNAW

W=Weather

D=Debt

d=Money due in January pay

T=Time since Christmas

Q=Time since failed quit attempt

M=General motivational levels

NA=The need to take action

(read more here).

Even though I don't fully understand the equation, I beg to differ. When I read/hear something like this my first reaction is to prove the theory wrong. I can't speak for the January 24ths of the past or the January 24ths in the future, but as for today, I have no complaints! :)

It sort of reminded me of something someone said in my water aerobics class a week or so ago. We were all jammed into the swimming pool when someone mentioned how crowded the class was. Another person's comment/explanation was, "It's still January." I promise you, that comment is all the motivation I need to be at the gym on Feb. 1st. As for the rest of the year. . . well, I plan on being at the gym then too.

How did everybody else's "worst" day of the year go? Did the formula prove to be true? Maybe I should submit this equation to Mythbusters! :)

Two Choices

2008-01-23T21:41:00.000-06:00

Caelleb & Tia are always saying things that I think are so cute. I guess that is just part of my adoration for them. I'm sure most people probably don't "get" my fascination with the things they say. But one of this blog's purposes is to help me remember. Life is so busy and going so fast that (I admit) I am a little obsessed w/remembering. So, on that note . . .

I didn't have to work on Monday so I slept in. Normally, sleeping in would equal getting up around 8am (if I'm lucky). But I hadn't slept well the night before and knowing this, my sweet husband, let me sleep & SLEEP. At 9:30am he told Caelleb to wake me up and ask me if I wanted to eat breakfast. Caelleb comes in and says,

"Mommy, you have two choices: eat here or go to McDonalds" (he came up with this on his own, which I didn't realize until later--I thought Bryn had told him to tell me that. side note: it is sort of a ritual on Saturday mornings for Bryn and Caelleb to eat at McDonalds but they had not done that this past Saturday)

I asked him which he wanted to do (knowing full well what his response would be) but he surprised me and said, "No, you choose." :)

Bryndyn came into the room at this point and I asked him what he wanted to do for breakfast. McDonalds was his vote.

So, I asked Caelleb again what his preference was, to which he again told me, "NO! It YOU choice!" :)

I told him I would make the final decision but I would like to get his input. He thought about this for a second and said, "I think, McDonalds."

I pretended to weigh my options (while he waited very patiently for my "choice") and finally said, "I think we should go to McDonalds," to which his eyes lit up.

I love that at his young age he could set aside his own "wants" and (in his mind) allow someone else to get their way.

Just a sweet moment that I wanted to remember. Thanks for indulging me!

Saving Fish From Drowning

2008-01-23T12:16:00.000-06:00

I recently finished Amy Tan's novel, Saving Fish From Drowning. There were about 75 pages or so that captured my attention but other than that I had a really hard time getting through the book. I couldn't relate to the characters and felt like the ending was pretty anti-climactic. The following two quotes were on the very first page of reading (before the chapter actually started). The first one (which obviously inspired the title of the novel) just seemed silly to me, ignorance at it's best.

A pious man explained to his followers: "It is evil to take lives and noble to save them. Each day I pledge to save a hundred lives. I drop my net in the lake and scoop out a hundred fishes. I place the fishes on the bank, where they flop and twirl. 'Don't be scared,' I tell those fishes. 'I am saving you from drowning.' Soon enough, the fishes grow calm and lie still. Yet, sad to say, I am always too late. The fishes expire. And because it is evil to waste anything, I take those dead fishes to market and I sell them for a good price. With the money I receive, I buy more nets so I can save more fishes. (author anonymous)

"The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding." ~ Albert Camus

By the end of the book, Tan had made her point:

Good intentions + Ignorance = Bad Outcome

And the above first quote made a lot more sense to me. I'm not sure if Tan was trying to make a religious or political statement with this book? I won't even go there. But the quote has stuck with me and I wonder if (in a much subtler way) I've ever been a part of a saving-fish-from-drowning excursion. I hope not, but regardless the book did make me think a lot more about the elements of ignorance.

Guitar Lesson #1

2008-01-17T21:46:00.000-06:00

At my first guitar lesson I learned. . .

#1 Playing the guitar HURTS! Seriously, the tips of my left-hand fingers are not feeling so good right about now. My teacher says that eventually I will get callouses which will eliminate the pain (I think). Hmmmm. Do I want callouses? Not sure.

#2 The only other people interested in learning to play the guitar (apparently) are teenage boys (who, in their words, want to be able to play songs by Cream). Not that I signed up for this class to make friends or anything, but I did not expect to be the only adult there that was not waiting to give their teenager a ride home.

#3 The C chord is difficult. F, near impossible. G & Am were not so bad. I was wondering the whole time, are my fingers long enough? Is this even possible? Which brings me to . . .

#4 I love learning new things, in theory. In reality, new things frustrate me.

All that said, I'm glad I signed up and hopefully by the end of the 6 weeks I will look back at this post and laugh. :) If there are any guitar players out there reading this post, I can use all the advice & encouragement I can get!

Beginning Guitar!!!

2008-01-15T21:11:00.000-06:00

I am officially signed up for Beginning Guitar I through Parks & Recreation. My first class is this Thursday night and I cannot wait! I have wanted to learn to play the guitar since college (or maybe before, I can't remember). I did take a class in college but it turned out to be a classical guitar class. While I enjoyed that experience I didn't learn chords so ultimately it didn't do me much good. Ultimately, I just want to learn enough to be able to have some individual acoustic worship time. Way excited. . .

Blankets & GOAAAAAAAAAAL!

2008-01-13T21:44:00.000-06:00

Caelleb scored his first ever goal on Saturday. Funny thing is, he really wasn't as into this week's game. But when the ball was at his feet in front of the goal he kicked it in like the back of the net was nothing. :) I think his team lost 10-8. Nice soccer score, huh? U6 is fun (& a little frustrating) to watch.

Another cool thing that Caelleb got to participate in on Saturday before his game was Project Linus. The K-3rd graders at our church got together for a service project and made a ton of really snuggly blankets. Caelleb really enjoys doing things for others & he loved making these blankets.

I'm proud of Caelleb for so many reasons. I was delighted to see him score his first goal. But his empathy & desire to help others is what fills my heart the most!

Tooth #2

2008-01-07T20:51:00.000-06:00

Caelleb's second tooth fell out today & this time it was not lost! We figured today would be the day. I gave Caelleb a little snack bag to keep in his pocket so the minute his tooth fell out he could put it in there. It worked! He was soooooo excited tonight to put it under his pillow. He informed Bryn and I that the tooth fairy was going to bring him "one dollar or pennies. that what he does." :) Pretty sure it will be the former.

Spontaneous Photo Shoot

2008-01-06T21:07:00.000-06:00

My only intention was to take a picture of Tia in her cute shirt that Uncle Scott & Aunt Lori got her so that they could see her in it (since they live in Louisiana). It turned into an opportunity to get some cute pics of Caelleb & Tia. Of course, I'm not going to pass up on that. :)I absolutely LOVE watching these two interact. It seems the older they get the more they adore each other. I overheard Tia telling Caelleb he looked "very handsome" on the way to church this morning. How precious is that?

the MAC

2008-01-06T20:42:00.000-06:00

Caelleb started a U6 season at the MAC. We debated signing him up because it is rather pricey for 8 weeks of U6 soccer (in my opinion), but everytime we drive by the MAC Caelleb asks when he gets to play there again (he played in their little kickers program a couple years ago). He had his first "game" yesterday. He's on team Japan. :) He was SOOOOO excited when I told him about it. The shirt he's wearing isn't actually his team shirt. It's just a shirt we had in his drawer, the only "kickball" shirt we could find. Once he got his official prosoccer team shirt Tia ended up wearing the one he has on in this picture. After watching his first game we are convinced it is money well spent for a number of reasons. 1. its a GREAT way for him to get out some energy in the winter time (although it didn't feel like winter weather this past weekend), 2. pretty sure we are paying for the coaching as it is not like rec ball where the coaches are just volunteer parents. They have paid coaches who truly know the game of soccer and do a great job at teaching the kids the game in a very positive, encouraging and self-confidence building way, which I SOOOOO appreciate! & 3. Caelleb loves it. He is a LOT better since his little kicker days. Bryndyn and I were actually shocked at how well he focused throughout the entire 4o minutes. We told him after his game how well he had done to which he commented, "I worked really hard." :) He did! Tia was not happy about the fact that she didn't get to be on the team. In between quarters she would go out on the indoor field and kick the ball around with me. She loved it. I may see if we can swing little kickers for her! Mostly, I think, she just really wants to be on a team.

Tia, sporting her fashionable jean jacket that uncle B & aunt Kara got her awhile back.

Homebound

2008-01-03T19:49:00.000-06:00

Neither Bryn or I are typically stay-at-home kind of people. We are always looking to "do" something. I've gotta say though, lately I have been really enjoying just being home. I used to sort of dread snow days (other than the fact that I might get a day off of work), thinking how am I going to keep Caelleb busy, what are we going to "do" all day long, feeling sort of clausterphobic in my house. Not anymore. I LOVE being homebound now. As long as I have diet dr. pepper in the fridge & something to cook for dinner, I am good to go. I'm not sure what changed my attitude? I think partly I've stopped worrying so much about what to plan/do and started focusing more on just enjoying my family. There is something about a good snow day that is truly a family bonding experience. Whether it is playing in the snow, baking cookies, drinking REAL hot chocolate (using cocoa, sugar & milk vs. swiss miss), watching movies, playing board games, or just being silly & stir crazy, I now look forward to these quality family days!!! Here are a few pics from our recent homebound days. . .

Nice look, huh? Her shirt says, "Grandma & Santa have my list covered."

For some reason Caelleb enjoyed sitting in his "bin," sipping hot chocolate and watching myth busters, I believe. Random!Pretty sure they are watching Handy Manny. :)
Tia just being silly. . .

Mythbuster

2008-01-02T21:05:00.000-06:00

I worked out this morning before work. Shocker, I know. This alone is a definite mythbusted, but not my current topic. When I left the house this morning at 6:20am the radio was saying it was 2 degrees with a wind chill of MINUS 10. That alone should have kept me under my nice warm flannel sheets & down comforter *pats myself on back.*

The myth is this: if you are outside with wet hair in freezing weather your hair can freeze up and break off.

I grew up in sunny Southern California. I remember hearing this myth at winter church camp up near Big Bear. I believed it, hook, line & sinker. What did I know? I thought I was freezing when it was anything less than 70 degrees outside. Then we moved to Missouri. Now snow & freezing weather are a reality, EVERY YEAR! I've left the house with wet hair plenty of times in the middle of winter (my way too thick hair takes FOREVER to dry)--no problem! I've chuckled to myself about that myth & my gullibility (It's a word. I looked it up :) & it IS in the dictionary).

But wait. Maybe I wasn't so gullible after all. This morning, upon leaving the ARC with damp hair from my shower I had to walk about 90 feet to my van. It took me all of about 30 seconds (if that). Once I was in the comfort of my warming up van I went to push a strand of hair out of my face & it was completely stiff like I had a ton of gel in it or something. I ran my fingers through my hair and yep, all of the damp strands were completely stiff. It wasn't completely frozen & did not break at my touch, but still.

In conclusion: my damp hair, after being exposed to truly freezing temperatures (about 7 degrees at the time) for about 30 seconds was stiff. This myth was definitely not busted. I think my hair would have to be exposed to freezing weather for a REALLY long time to confirm this myth and well, that would just be silly. So, I'm going to have to call this one "plausible."

What about this one: "If you lick a metal pole when the temperature is below freezing, your tongue will stick to it." Myth or fact? Someone else experiment with this one and let me know. :)

Addendum: Bryndyn just informed me that the real Mythbusters already did an episode on the licking a metal pole thing. This myth was CONFIRMED! Here is their result: "When you touch freezing cold metal with your tongue, your saliva freezes instantly, essentially gluing your tongue to the metal object. Unless you have a cup of warm water handy to unstick yourself, it's best not to test this on your own -- even if someone triple-dog-dares you -- as you could cause serious damage to your tongue." Or you can click here and take their winter myth quiz.

Temple for President

2008-01-01T14:18:00.000-06:00

For sports fans like us, this was a great way to start off 2008!

Christmas 2007

2007-12-30T17:28:00.000-06:00

I hope every one had a great Christmas! Ours was very peaceful & relaxing. For the second time in our married life we did not travel for the holidays. We really missed being with extended family, but not traveling is definitely a lot less stressful. We had Tia until about noon which was so great. The rest of the day was dedicated to helping Caelleb try out every single gift he received. We played & played & PLAYED. :) The kids were very cute opening their gifts. Caelleb, on the one hand, took his time, wanted to play with everything and was so grateful. Tia, on the other hand, just loved opening packages. She'd finish opening one present, push it to the side and ask, "i have another one?" :) Here are some pics from the morning. . .

These are Caelleb & Tia's stockings. Santa was able to find them at Mama T's house (my mom, where they usually reside) and bring them all the way to Missouri. Mama T actually made these stockings. When I was little she made one for each of us (me and my 3 siblings). Since then she's made one for Bryndyn, Scott, Kara, Braden, Caelleb, Easton, Tia & Isabelle. (maybe my dad as well, i'm not sure). Aren't they awesome?
Caelleb with his new bumblebee transformer

Pretty sure that daddy actually secretly wanted Santa to bring him one as well. :)
Tia's first bat and ball! :)Rockin' out w/her red guitar.

Other than missing family, it was a great Christmas!

This is NOT a resolution (I don't keep those)

2007-12-30T17:03:00.000-06:00

Our family's newest favorite place. We joined Dec. 26th and have been every day since then. Of all of us, Caelleb loves it the most. "Eh-er-size" (exercise) is his newest favorite thing to do. He loves the aquatics facilities, but he also loves to run/walk around the indoor track. I say run/walk but it is actually more like sprint/walk. We have tried to teach Caelleb how to pace himself w/a slower jog. He doesn't get it. It's all or nothing with him. Regardless, it is such a great way for him to get out some energy. Plus he gets his own card to swipe in AND his own lock for the boys locker room. Those two things alone sold him right away. :) Mostly it just feels really good to have such a healthy way to spend time together as a family. We love it.

Traditions & a Good Kind of Weird

2007-12-26T19:04:00.000-06:00

This year Christmas Eve was very. . . . odd. I had no last minute shopping to do. I had ZERO gift-wrapping left. None of the presents needed to be assembled. My cookies for Santa were already made. Christmas dinner was already in the fridge. The house was basically clean (including laundry). Yet, I felt like I should be DOING something, surely I must have forgotten something. Nope. Everything was done. Very strange, indeed. Was that "peace" that I was feeling? :) Whatever it was, I want it to always be like that on Dec. 24th. Stress-free, we kept up with all our traditions. . .

Caelleb & I made a birthday cake for Jesus (and then he licked the bowl) We went and saw the Alvin & the Chipmonks movie, which was cute. Caelleb really enjoyed it! We were able to pick up Tia late that afternoon and made it to our Christmas Eve dinner out (at the Macaroni Grill). We then headed over to The Crossing for a Christmas Eve candelight service, which was beautiful! We hadn't been to a Christmas Eve service in a few years (for various reasons) and it always seemed that something was missing. Growing up we ALWAYS went to a Christmas Eve service at our church and that experience is sort of ingrained in me. Now, as parents, we strive to keep the true meaning of Christmas at the forefront of the celebration, so (we've realized) an evening service on the 24th will be a staple in our Christmas Eve routine from now on! It was a wonderful time of worship and remembering & I'm so glad we went!
Once we got home we decorated Jesus' birthday cake, set out cookies for Santa & carrots for his reindeer, and opened our traditional-two-gifts (pajamas & ornaments).
Tia showing me her pj's (that turned out to be WAY too big)
Caelleb and his pj's. It doesn't take much to get him excited. Can you tell? :)
Tia and her "Finding Nemo" ornament
Caelleb and his "dog riding a scooter" ornament

And finally, a children's Bible version of the Christmas story
Pretty sure Bryn and I were in bed by 10pm.... a weird but WONDERFUL Christmas Eve. I'm officially adding "stress-free" to our list of Christmas Eve traditions!

Christmas Comes Early!

2007-12-22T22:04:00.000-06:00

Santa has not made his big appearance yet. There have been no gifts opened or stockings hung. The calendar says December 22nd. Yet, my joy is complete! Of course I am still looking forward to our Christmas Eve traditions and watching the excitement on the kids' faces as they open & exchange gifts. But today I received the absolute best gift, one that will not be topped on December 25th! Nervous anticipation and sadness preceded the exchange. What I thought might be a bitter-sweet afternoon turned out to be one of immeasurable joy!

I have a surprise for all of you. . .

We got to see Jamie!!!!

And he is HUGE!!! :)

We had bought him a couple things for Christmas and called his father to see if we could bring the gifts to him. We weren't sure what his response was going to be and we were prepared for him to say no, in which case we would have mailed the gifts or given them to Rainbow House. But his dad agreed to meet us at a McDonalds inside a Walmart in the closest town to where they live! We got to spend almost 2 hours with him and you could not have wiped the smile off of my face the entire time (once I got over the shock of how big he had gotten). I tried to prepare myself (and the kids) for the fact that he was going to look a lot different. Afterall, we hadn't seen him in almost 6 months (since July 2nd, the day he moved out of our home, when he was 8 months old). But I still wasn't prepared for what I saw. He's now 13 months. He wasn't even crawling when he left, and now he's almost walking. On July 2nd he had no baby teeth, now he has FIVE! He has so much more hair now and it is much darker. . . But overall, he is the same sweet boy that we fell in love with last year at this time. Seeing him seriously made my holiday! It was obvious that he didn't completely remember us right away. But about halfway through our time with him he seemed to be studying our faces and starting to recognize something familiar in all of us. At one point Bryndyn was holding him and every time Bryndyn would speak Jamie would turn around and look up at him and just stare at Bryn. He definitely recognized his voice and it was precious to watch the two of them interact. Tia was actually a little shy and didn't play with him as much as we thought she would. I think it threw her off that he had grown so much. But him and Caelleb picked up right where they left off and it was wonderful to watch them together. He is still cute as can be with a smile that melts your heart!

He was more interested in eating the wrapping paper & ribbon than the gifts inside. :)
Look at him examining Bryndyn's face.
Merry Christmas to all of us!!!
Once a brother. . . always a brother!
More pics capturing the joy of the day. . .
I'm not sure exactly what all of this means. We are still very much trying to navigate through this situation/relationship. I know we will not see Jamie on a real regular basis. But I hope that we laid some groundwork today to at least staying in some sort of touch with him. Only time will tell. I'm not going to overanalyze too much (for now). What I know today is that he is doing well & it was SOOOOO wonderful to see him! Merry Christmas Jamie! We love you!

Try not to laugh too hard. . .

2007-12-18T08:01:00.000-06:00

So this morning, it happened, my first fall (at least on ice). I've slipped plenty, but never completely lost my footing. Ohhhh and this was no ordinary tumble. . . We had just pulled into Caelleb's daycare. I helped him get his coat zipped and reminded him to be careful when he got out of the van. I opened my door and stepped down with my left foot. Before I knew what was happening (or could do anything to prevent it), I found myself on my back with my right foot still in the van (ok, I am totally laughing right now just thinking about it). My only injury is a small cut on my left hand where (I guess) I tried to catch myself. Pretty sure no one saw it happen. Oh, go ahead and laugh (if you aren't already). I've been laughing about it all morning.

Cheers to Shopping

2007-12-17T20:22:00.000-06:00

Caelleb and I went shopping tonight so he could pick something out for Tia & Daddy. Caelleb is a great little shopper, although he says he doesn't like it. He told me tonight that "uncle B doesn't like shopping either." My hunch is that he has already learned that shopping is "for girls." How? I'm not sure, considering the fact that i'm not a big shopper. But he did a great job tonight thinking about Tia and Daddy and factoring that into his gift selection. I was very proud of him. In between stores we made a hot chocolate stop and toasted our night! It was a fun evening. By far, the best part was the amusing conversation. Here are some of the highlights. . .

As we were entering the mall I asked Caelleb what he wanted to get Tia. . .
Caelleb: a red guitar.
me: That's what Tia asked Santa for.
Caelleb: I ah-ready know dat.
me: well then, what do YOU want to get Tia?
Caelleb: I tink I still get her a red guitar. I tink I help Santa with dat.
me (realizing he wasn't going to budge): Caelleb, actually, Santa told me that he already got Tia the red guitar.
Caelleb's immediate response: "WHAT?!?! Let me talk to him!"

The ground has been icy now for over a week. . . that's about 10 days of me constantly telling Caelleb to be careful. As we were walking through the mall parking lot tonight, hot chocolate in hand, I reminded him once again to watch his step because the ground was slippery, to which he replied, "the whole world is slippery!" :) I guess it would seem like that, right about now.

About two seconds after the above conversation Caelleb's hot chocolate slipped out of his hands and splattered all over the ground. I expected this to upset him, but to my surprise he said, "dat ok, dat happens sometimes." Wise beyond his years.

It was a successful shopping excursion. Caelleb picked out some pink & white mittens, bunny slippers, and a cinderella teacup set for Tia. But on the way home he told me that he wanted to get her one more thing. Our exchange went something like this:

me: I think three things is plenty Caelleb
Caelleb: I want to get her four tings
me: No, three things is enough. That's it.
Caelleb: I'll make her someting.
me: Well, ok, that's a good idea. What do you want to make her?
Caelleb: A tee-uh ta.
me: What?
Caelleb: Dat one ting. You sit on. Go up and down.
me: A teeter totter?
Caelleb: YEA!
me: Uhhhhh. . . I don't think we know how to make a teeter totter.
Caelleb: CALL HANDY MANNY!!!!

Today's Views

2007-12-16T15:39:00.001-06:00

From our living room window. . .

From our dining room window. . .

It still baffles me that I live in a place where it regularly snows in the winter. I remember when I used to think 60 degrees was "freezing." Sometimes I miss those so cal days where "cold" meant you better take a sweatshirt.

Totally Worth It!

2007-12-16T15:29:00.001-06:00

We visited Santa today after church at the mall. We almost didn't. The kids saw Santa at the live windows festival & at a Christmas party last weekend. So, the thought of fighting the mall madness almost detoured us straight home. Parking was a nightmare. Just navigating through the mall was a challenge. The actual line to see Santa wasn't any better. But we stuck it out. Both kids were excited, but especially Tia. She got right up on Santa's lap, smiled pretty for the pictures and told Santa she wanted a "red guitar." Caelleb couldn't think of anything to ask Santa for. We decided we'd write Santa a letter if he thinks of anything. Santa gave the kids a candy cane and a hearty "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and Tia's face just LIT UP. She talked about Santa the rest of the afternoon. Priceless!

First Snow, Winter 2007

2007-12-15T20:43:00.000-06:00

Officially, it may not be the first snow, but it my book it is. Before today it was basically ice. But it has literally been snowing ALL DAY LONG. Caelleb, especially, has had a great day! He absolutely loves to play outside in the snow! cleaning off the car
Bailey wanted to get in on the snow fun

It didn't take long for a Caelleb vs. Daddy snow ball fight to break out
I think Caelleb won this one :)
Meanwhile, Tia was not in the least bit interested in the snow. She was completely enthralled in "chicken wittle."If you take a close look at this picture you can definitely see the wheels turning in Caelleb's head ("hmmm, this would be the perfect opportunity to get daddy with a snowball")
Caelleb made sure to check for yellow snow before he started eating.
Snow angel. . .

Tia is starting to show some interest in what is going on outside
I think it was the snow angel that did it. She ended up staying out for a fairly long time!Our snow man is missing his head

December is definitely here!

Special Guests

2007-12-14T20:20:00.000-06:00

Santa & Mrs. Claus were busy making appearances this past weekend. Some good

friends of ours were having a Christmas party and what to our wondering eyes

did appear??? Well, I didn't see any reindeer or a sleigh, but the kids were

THRILLED to see Santa and his beautiful wife. Santa even brought his list. Caelleb's name had 3 gold stars by it. I'm not sure how many stars Tia's name had? Come to think of it, was Tia's name even on that list? J/K. He brought her a gift so she must have made it to the "nice" list. Phew.
Caelleb received a cool Geo space air pump rocket. He loves it! Santa knows what's up!
Tia received a little cabbage patch doll. For some reason she was a little nervous about going up and getting her gift, so daddy helped her!

Mrs. Claus reading the kids a Christmas story

a group pic

this is Caelleb's newest smile. It cracks me up.

Tia with "uncle David," (as she refers to him). They are buds!

Thank you Parker Family for a very fun evening! We are so blessed to

have such wonderful & loving friends!

Live Windows

2007-12-14T13:24:00.000-06:00

Last Friday Columbia had their annual live windows festival downtown. The kids really enjoyed it. The atmosphere was festive and it was a great (albeit cold) family outing. One of the churches had a live nativity scene (with live sheep). Santa was available for photo ops at one of the banks. The shops stayed open late. There were free samples of roasted chestnuts, carriage rides, hot chocolate. . . What a great tradition!!! The pictures didn't come out so great, but I thought i'd put them up here anyway, to remember the night. . .

Gifts that give TWICE

2007-12-14T11:45:00.000-06:00

Every day I get an email from Breakpoint. Chuck Colson (and associates) write/commentate about the news from a Christian worldview, at least, that is one of their goals. In today's email Colson gave some EXCELLENT & meaningful gift giving ideas for Christmas. I am actually done w/my shopping (for the most part), but I am bookmarking these websites and remembering them for the future. . .

Here's an exerpt from Colson. . .

"Wonderfully Made Jewelry, which employs former victims of sex-trafficking to give them a sustainable and God-honoring occupation. These women make necklaces, bracelets, and pendants that are not just wonderfully made, as their name says, but are also helping women restart their lives and understand that they are wonderfully made treasures of God. What a great chance to talk with a loved one about what it means to be made in the very image of God."

"The Land of a Thousand Hills Coffee, you could buy a 10-dollar bag of Land of a Thousand Hills coffee, grown by Hutus and Tutsis in Rwanda. This gift will not only be enjoyed over the months—it's good coffee—but proceeds will support reconciliation efforts in that genocide-torn country. This kind of gift allows you to tell others about God's forgiveness and reconciliation in the most difficult areas. And you can remind them what the birth of Christ really signals."

It is so hard in today's consumerism-mentality to keep the season about CHRIST. Do you have any other similar gift-giving suggestions?

Evil Eye -- this is too cute!

2007-12-14T07:38:00.000-06:00

My sister sent me this. Or you can find it on YouTube.

Tiger Fan Club

2007-12-12T13:27:00.000-06:00

We got together with some friends of ours to watch the MU vs. OU football game a couple weeks ago. Here's a pic of all the kids!

BTW

2007-12-10T08:03:00.000-06:00

Besides Caelleb & Tia,the "Snow Ball Fight" was starring my niece and nephews (Isabelle, Braden & Easton).

Snow Ball Fight

2007-12-08T23:19:00.000-06:00

Non-Crappy Starring You! eCards on JibJab

All About the Sweet Tea

2007-12-03T07:57:00.000-06:00

I am way too excited about the newest restaurant in town. Grand opening TODAY! Lunch anyone?

We'll always have Arrowhead

2007-12-03T07:35:00.000-06:00

My cliche thoughts on Mizzou's football season (in no particular order)

Huge bummer.

It was fun while it lasted, for that brief week. :) As exciting as it was, there was always this element of too good to be true. Missouri playing for a National Championship? Thrilling, yes. But seriously, where did that come from?

Let's give credit where credit is due. I mean, it wasn't our best game ever, but it also wasn't our worst. We just got beat, plain & simple. Props to OU's defense. They were impressive.

Heisman hopes thwarted. I am disappointed for Chase Daniel. I don't know if he would have won even if we had played for the championship, but he would have at least made it to NY. Pretty sure that won't be the case now. I guess, "there's always next year." Ugh. I hate that saying.

Forget the Alamo. No, I take that back. Learn from the Alamo! Hopefully this year will be the ground work for many more winning/"bcs bowl" years to come. Fact is, a higher expectation has been set. So, while i'm disappointed that we aren't headed to New Orleans, it was a GREAT season (well, I guess the season isn't officially over yet, but you know what I mean).

At some point can the BCS just say, "Sorry, there will be no National Champion declared this year. No one deserves it. We will chalk this year up to a complete WASH"?

To all you Tiger Fans south of here (the "other" Tigers, as we refer to them in our household), you are welcome! I guess what goes around, truly does come around.

2 1/2 Hrs. 'til Kickoff

2007-12-01T16:30:00.000-06:00

Why did this have to be the last game of the day??? The build up is killing me! Go Mizzou!!!

Bike Gang

2007-12-01T16:09:00.001-06:00

This picture was taken on Oct. 20th. Notice the great weather we were

having this late in the fall. All three kids were lovin' their bikes!!!

Okie Free Weekend

2007-11-30T22:09:00.000-06:00

In honor of the big game tomorrow, one of the radio stations here in town has declared it an "okie free weekend." :) Basically, from 5pm today until 12am on Sunday, they are not playing any song by an artist that is from Oklahoma (Carrie Underwood, Toby Keith, Reba McIntyre, etc.). They included Garth Brooks on that list as well until a listener called in and informed them that Garth Brooks, while from OK, actually went to Oklahoma State and therefore hates the sooners. So, Garth is back on the play list. :) Too funny!

Must be doing something right

2007-11-29T12:28:00.000-06:00

I know that in the last year or so, Bryn and I have not been at the "top of our game" when it comes to parenting (or just life in general). It's been a year of transition, grief, loss, stress, etc. We've had a LOT on our plate. We haven't been functioning at our best. But then, I look at this picture of Tia & Caelleb and I am so encouraged. These two kids absolutely adore each other. They seem to grow closer and closer every time they are together. Over the Thanksgiving weekend Bryn and I overheard Tia just randomly telling Caelleb, "I yuv you, brother." To which Caelleb responded, "I wuv you too." They have such a special bond. As a parent, this makes me so proud & fills me with such joy.

Not Without Tia

2007-11-28T12:25:00.000-06:00

We never know from one weekend to the next when we may have Tia. One thing I've learned from this situation is to appreciate the time I do have with her and to make every moment count. I may not have any control over the quanitity of time we spent together, but I can definitely control the QUALITY of that time. That said, I do sort of get a little...what's the word i'm looking for?... fixated, maybe? I just don't want her to miss out on anything. Whether it be a trip to the pumpkin patch, cutting down our christmas tree, or a family vacation I try my hardest to plan things around when we are going to have Tia. But since I never know for certain, this task proves very difficult.

With the Christmas season comes many traditions. I want Tia to be a part of ALL of these traditions, if I can help it. One tradition we started last year was decorating ginger bread houses. We did this on Christmas eve last year. I don't know if Tia will be with us on that day this year, so in an effort to make sure Tia didn't miss out, we decorated gingerbread houses this past Sunday. It isn't even December yet. I realize this. Maybe a better word is fanatical. But for a good cause. . .

Love it!!!!!

2007-11-28T09:03:00.000-06:00

And the season begins. . .

2007-11-26T21:49:00.000-06:00

Our tree is decorated. It's official. The Christmas Season has begun. . .

Tree Farm Fun

2007-11-26T21:19:00.000-06:00

We cut down our Christmas tree this weekend at the tree farm. Well, actually, WE didn't cut it down, the man that worked there did. But we did pick it out! Close enough. :)

2007 NCAA Football Rankings - Week 13 (11/25/07)

2007-11-26T08:01:00.000-06:00

BCS Rankings

#1 MISSOURI
#2 West Virginia
#3 Ohio State
#4 Georgia
#5 Kansas
#6 Virginia Tech
#7 LSU
#8 USC
#9 Oklahoma
#10 Florida

Life is good!

Thankful for. . . Simplicity

2007-11-25T21:05:00.000-06:00

Sometimes in this technology driven world that we live in, I forget how much joy the simple things in life can bring. We slooooooowed down this Thanksgiving weekend & enjoyed simplicity...

Raking leaves

Playing in the leaf pile

climbing trees

helping around the house :)

borrowing your brother's hat

perfecting your jump shot

We hardly left the house, which is so unlike us.

But it was exactly what we needed!

Table for 3

2007-11-25T13:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving! Ours was wonderfully peaceful & relaxing.We've never done a Thanksgiving feast with just us, so this was a first. While I truly missed being with extended family, honestly, I was surprisingly content. Everyone asks, "what did you do for thanksgiving?" At first, I sort of felt like I had to defend the fact that it was going to be just us celebrating at home. But, in hindsight, there were just three of us, and that was ENOUGH. Contentment. It's a beautiful thing. I love & am so thankful for my little family!

Our menu consisted of ham (which I bought pre-cooked & prepared at hyvee), green bean casserole, corn casserole, mashed & sweet potatoes, sweet tea & of course, chocolate cream pie (Bryn's favorite).

A much needed low-key & zero stress holiday. I am so blessed!

Touch Down Dance

2007-11-24T22:53:00.000-06:00

And the border belongs to (drum roll please). . . . . .

MISSOURI - 36

Kansas - 28

(If you want to read more about the game, click here, or here.)

Bring on the Sooners!!!!!

The following video was recorded after Missouri scored their first touchdown tonight against Kansas. . .

M - I - Z

2007-11-24T21:18:00.000-06:00

Z - O - U!

We have had a very relaxing yet productive weekend. I have lots of pics to get up of Thanksgiving, cutting down our Christmas tree, decorating our tree, etc.

But, FIRST THINGS FIRST! It is halftime of the MU vs. KU football game and things are looking good for TIGER FANS!!!!!

Let me back up a little. . . Bryn and I spent our undergraduate (and graduate for Bryn) years at a wonderful university, but one with no football team. Then we moved to Louisiana for my graduate studies. While ULM did have a football team, it wasn't exactly the big-time college football experience. Let's put it this way, when the local rival high school football teams played each other, there were more fans in attendance at the high school game then at ULM's games. Enough said. So, then we move to MIZZOU territory. Early on that first fall we were here we decided to check out the football scene. OH MY GOSH! One game & we were HOOKED! Thanks to some friends of ours who gave us many of their unused season tickets we didn't miss a home game that year. The next couple years we got free tickets to all the games since Bryn was a high school football coach. We were in attendance at the '03 infamous MU victory over Nebraska. Now that small children are involved we watch the games from our living room, most of the time. But still, big MU fans. We learned very quickly that Kansas was our biggest rival.

Still, while we love Tiger football, they've never been a BCS contender (since we've lived here at least). So, when it comes to picking a favorite for a national championship (since we are CA natives) we've been rooting for USC. My sister married into a die-hard LSU Tigers family and she has been fully converted. :) Anyone who follows college football knows that in the last few years a HUGE new rivalry has formed. . . USC vs. LSU. So, while we are always rooting FOR the Missouri Tigers we are also always rooting AGAINST the LSU Tigers (sorry Scott).

Well, here's where it gets crazy. USC choked pretty early on this season. LSU has held onto the #1 ranking most of the year. Missouri, yes, MISSOURI is currently ranked #4 in the NATION. They are also CURRENTLY beating the #2 ranked KU team. (there are 10 min. left in the 3rd quarter as I type). IF we can finish off Kansas tonight, then we will play Oklahoma for the Big 12 championship. One game at a time, I know, BUT IF we can also beat OK, the MISSOURI TIGERS will be playing for a national championship. We thought maybe it could be a TIGERS vs. TIGERS showdown but LSU lost yesterday in triple overtime to Arkansas. Regardless, we are talking about the national championship and MISSOURI is in the hunt. They control their own destiny. CRAZY!!!!

OK, enough said. Turning my computer off so I can focus on the game!

Currently 9 minutes left in the 3rd quarter and the score,

Mizzou -- 21
Kansas -- 0

Stay tuned. . .

July 27 & 28 -- Day #7 & 8, Happy Birthday Grandma (Mama T)

2007-11-20T21:43:00.000-06:00

For the record, yes I am still writing about our summer vacation. No apologies. I'll try to wrap it up in the next few days. . .

July 27th

We were HOME for my mom's birthday. . . I am pretty sure that is the FIRST birthday that I have been able to celebrate with my mom since the summer that Bryn and I got married (1999). Crazy. The kids and I made her a cake that turned out pretty darn gross. Not sure what exactly went wrong. But its the thought that counts, right? We celebrated that night w/friends, family & my dad's tri-tip! Hopefully it will not be another 8 years before I get to celebrate my mom's birthday with her again!!!!

July 28th

The birthday festivities continued. My dad cooked us a wonderful breakfast and we had a pretty mellow morning. The kids swam. Bryn and I got to sneak away to a movie mattinee. Later that afternoon we headed down to Carpinteria. This has become a tradition on my mom's birthday. We ate dinner at The Palms restaurant & then headed to the beach to watch the sunset. It was a beautiful night and I was just so thankful to have the opportunity to be there with my family. Here are some pics. . .

Happy Birthday Mama T!!!!!

While we were at the beach, Grandma & Tia had the following conversation. . .

Grandma: "Tia, do you know who made the ocean?

Tia: "JESUS!"

Grandma: "Who made the stars?"

Tia: "Jesus!"

Grandma: "Who made the. . . fish?"

Tia: "Jesus!"

Grandma: "Who made the moon?

Tia (raising her hand): ME!

Loser Club Graduate

2007-11-20T20:51:00.000-06:00

In high school I was a member of the Loser Club. There were a handful of us. We founded this club after we lost our 3rd CIF state championship. Yes, we made it to the finals 3 times (two in soccer & one in softball), and LOST all three times. Second place. Runners Up. Ugh. People told us to be thankful because, "At least you got there." That didn't ease our pain. We wanted a CIF championship ring sooooo bad. It never happened. We were traumatized (aaahhhh... high school drama at its best).

Somehow, I was able to put those days behind me (fyi: that was sarcasm).

A few weeks ago I was outside playing basketball with Caelleb. I missed a couple shots in a row and commented outloud, "man, I stink." Without missing a beat Caelleb responded, "Yep. You on the Stank Team mommy." I had to laugh. I made a couple shots after that and returned the trash talk, "not so stinky now, am I?" To which Caelleb giggled and said, "You still on the Stank Team mommy." Who taught Caelleb how to trash talk anyway? Certainly that must have been Bryndyn. (Ha!). Anyway, so this past weekend we were playing basketball again. I missed a shot and Caelleb says, "Remember mommy, I on the tigers. You on the stank team."

While my Loser Club days are clearly behind me, now I have to overcome STANK TEAM! :)